Rejection

So yeah. No studio for me. Whatever. I can deal.
As much as I'd love to whine and complain about how I really wanted to get in, sob about how I'm so disappointed, and mope about how I guess my art skills aren't as good as I thought they were, I won't. I can't.
As I'm sure you all know, rejection hurts. It makes you reevaluate your skills, your talent, and your life. It makes you upset that you will be left alone to watch all your friends go while you sit out and watch them because they're all better than you. It makes you hate them, just a little, even though you know how RIDICULOUS that thought is because they deserve it and you should be happy for them, even though you can't help but feel jealous as they post their well-deserved happiness all over their facebook walls.
But I'm not here to cry and bitch and whine about how much my life sucks and how I hate my life, because I know this isn't the end of the world. I can be resilient and move on from this setback. I can take this lesson and learn from it. I can make it a goal to improve myself and my art. I can bounce back and get better and move forward. And best of all, I can take every single art class and later do seminar, which I will love.
Yes, I am disappointed and upset, but that will pass, and eventually I will come out of my rejection with all the positives in mind, and move towards becoming the best artist I can be.

Funny

Here's a poem I wrote just a few minutes ago when the inspiration hit
No, it's not for my English portfolio, and yes, this is a first draft. Critique is very welcome.

Funny
By me

I look funny when I wear a towel
After a shower
Wrapped over my chest
Held in place under my arms

I look funny when I dance at parties
Hips shaking awkwardly
Arms moving sporadically
To the beat of some song I hate

I look funny when I try to run
My short legs pushing me forward
My arms pumping with each step
My heart beating faster
And my destination doesn’t seem to get any closer

I look funny when I laugh
With my mouth open wide
My braces shining for all to see
My eyes squished by my raised cheeks

I look funny when I cry
Over a sad book or movie or memory
Tears streaking my face
My mouth blubbering uncontrollably
My eyes red and bloodshot

But I do these things anyway
Some bring me joy
Some offer me an escape
Some allow me to let go

Where would we be
If we never acted on what we felt?
Never spoke our minds
Never let go
Because we feared
What others
Would think of us

Who would we be
If our lives were ruled
By how we feel we look to others?

Maybe they are
Maybe they always have been.

Late and Can't Sleep

So I can't sleep. School starts tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to actually doing work, but I can't wait to see all my friends. Vacation has to had been great for everyone, and I know that any bitterness or grumpyness I have had has been smoothed out by rest and thinking. I wish school didn't have to start on a monday though, because it is the one day I have no frees, but I'm looking forward to afterschool when I can be with A and Z and whoever else happens to be hanging around. I've really missed everyone a lot. Also, sorry for being so grumpy in the past, and thanks for putting up with my occasional grumpy patches. That's really what friends do. They put up with all of each others crap, because they know they've certainly got crap of their own. That's how I see it anyway. Plus, with friends as amazing as the ones I have, putting up with the limited crap they put out is easy enough.
Lets see...
New phrase-"wheels"
It means you get around. Get it? You can say it to someone accusingly or use it to describe someone's behavior, like "he's got wheels." I can't wait to use it, but there's not gonna be too many chances knowing all you guys are pretty not wheely.
what else....
Music.
Phoenix and occasional Arcade fire.
Why am I not tired yet? I need to sleep now so I don't fall asleep tomorrow! Ok, after I publish this post, I'm going to shut my laptop and go to bed. Good night! See you tomorrow!

Obligatory Talk about Vacation Post

So yeah. Cruise. I had fun. When I wasn't feeling slightly seasick, I was eating good food and meeting new people (mostly canadians). When you meet new people, you get talking about your life in ways you don't really on a daily basis. You get a fresh start, which can be nice, or hard, but you also have to tell all about yourself, starting from like...the beginning. It took a while, but I eventually made some good friends. And one good friend. He was a 16 year old from Maine. He was also super smooth. Not the hottest guy around, but not butt-ugly. Like I said, he was smooth, and we spent time together and did some making out. (My advice-Don't use tongue. It's gross) I'm happy I got my first kiss, but I part of me kinda wishes I had been more thoughtful. I'm usually the super-rational thinker, but here I am, first-basing it (maybe more) with him, and I will never ever see him again. Maybe that's what motivated me. Nothing to deal with further down the road, just the here and now. Maybe what I did was harmless, just a one-time thing that's in the past. But maybe I should look at it and be more careful in the future. Not just go along with it because he shows interest. Not do complicated stuff that leads to emotional attachment when I'm not gonna be with him for the long run, or even see him again. So that's what I've been examining for the past week. Who I am, and how my actions reflect that. In the end though, I'm glad I got my first kiss. It means I can stop stressing out about it.

Questions:
1. Why did that kid "smoke" tea bags?
2. How did I lose weight on a cruise?
3. Is 5 earrings too many?
Also-You should watch "Prestige" if you ever get a chance. It's a great movie that's about two rival magicians. IT'S ABOUT MAGIC EVERYONE

Couple Metaphors

Today in the shower I was thinking about our lovely couples and how I would describe them in a metaphor. So here you go.
Z+J=Magnets placed opposite from each other on a table. As they got to know each other, they moved closer and closer together, until finally, after a little pushing, they clicked. And did magnet stuff.
L+T=A great vacation. At first when you arrive, you’re out of your element. You don’t know where to go or what to do because you’re afraid of getting lost. As time goes on, however, you grow to learn and explore the place and you start to know where your going. You learn lots about the place and every moment you spend walking around is incredible. The only issue is that as the vacation nears an end, you realise you’re going to have to leave, but you know you’ve been changed for the better because of your experience. Also, I like the idea of Teal as a couple name
L+H=Adorable. And you know it. (Also I couldn’t think of a good metaphor)
Everyone else-buncha people swirling around each other and going through life, focusing on their school and friends and family and looking forward to when they meet someone who likes them too, but until then just being awesome.
Ok...not perfect metaphors. But couples. Adorable, awesome couples.

Cool Tapes

So yeah. I’ve been feeling much better lately. Been sleeping and baking and whatnot. I figured I’d do a post about some music I like just because I can and because music is awesome.
1. Bishop Allen. In particular, “Dimmer”, “Click, click, click”, and “Rain”
Dimmer
2. Vampire Weekend. I don’t know why the heck I haven’t listened to these guys sooner. Awesome. I especially like “Taxi Cab” and “Giving up the Gun”
3. Voxtrot. I don’t know many songs by them, but I do like “Raised by Wolves” and “The Start of Something”
The Start of Something
4. Mumford and Sons. I’ve only just started listening to them, but I love the high energy songs, and the banjo which you would think would suck, but makes the songs so awesome. I specifically like “Little Lion Man” and “The Cave”
The Cave
4. Jack Penate. Fun, upbeat songs. I like “Spit at Stars” and “Have I Been a Fool”
Spit at stars
5. Adele. I like her. She sings really great songs like “Rolling in the Deep” “Right as Rain” and “Tired”
6. Marching band. Try “For your Love” or “Gorgeous Behavior”
For your love
And now some random artists I like and know songs of but don’t know all that well.
-The Go! Team
-Asobi Sesku
-Lykke Li
-Matt & Kim
-Taken by Trees
-The Whitest Boy Alive
-Au Revior Simone
-The Blow
-The Pigeon Ditectives
-Santigold
-Say Hi (to Your Mom)
-The Shins
-Shout out Louds
-Sufjan Stevens
And that’s plenty. More than you needed. Ever. Anyway, You should at least listen to one of these artists or songs. They pretty much rock.

Down in the Dumps

I’ve been feeling kinda PMSy lately. Which is strange because I just had mine and march is my drop month. Anyway, I’ve just been kinda sighy, whiney, and self-pitying. Now don’t get me wrong, my life is great. I have the best friends, a great family, and my grades are pretty cooh. But somehow, even surrounded by amazing people, I’ve been feeling lonely. Maybe it’s the couples. It’s probably the couples. I’m really happy for them, really, I am. It’s just that me being the sorta clingy dependent jealous and slightly selfish person I am, I just feel left out and “forever alone” around them. I know they haven’t left or anything, but sometimes I feel like I’ve been left behind, and sometimes I don’t feel as close to those in relationships as I may have once. Maybe it’s a lack of girl time, maybe it’s just me being bitter, but it still kinda hurts. And then the whole thing decides to get a big stick and poke at that part of my subconscious that worries about my friends abandoning me and about me never getting a boyfriend and why boys don’t seem to like me, even though I know that none of this is true. And maybe as a result of all this, I’ve been feeling a bit detached from the main group, which is RIDICULOUS because I’ve been spending plenty of time with A and talking to lots of others. Maybe it’s just that I haven’t really spent lots of time with anyone other than A. With the play, and no one besides G and L sharing my frees, besides class time, I haven’t spent much time around anyone else. Yeah...that’s probably it.
I guess this blog is sort of a nice way to sort out my feelings and whatever.