Don't do drugs kids

So I've been talking about weed with people irl since I got out of school for break. I had smoked w Em a handful of times. At the best, it makes intimacy really intense. Beyond that though, I usually find it to be relatively boring, it makes me feel kinda slow and dumb, not necessarily in a bad way, but I don't particularly like myself when I'm like that. At the worst, like the last time I smoked with her, I got too high, and felt a deep sadness for about 30 minutes and just was crying for no reason. I was feeling kinda eh about weed in general, and like I wanted to distance myself from it, especially based on my own moral compass. But also I felt bad for feeling that way because Em really likes to smoke and it's something I wanted to be able to share with her. Over break though, I reflected + talked to my therapist about it, and began to kinda get over the moral part. I kinda thought of it more like alcohol, something I would do with her every once in a while as something fun. Getting back to school was great. I was so happy to see her after break, I didn't stop smiling for hours. On sunday evening, she asked if I wanted to smoke w her and a friend, and I said yes, thinking it would be fun. I guess I smoked too much again or maybe I just reacted badly to this type of weed but it was worse than any negative experience I'd ever had smoking before. I felt very intense, specific emotions with no basis. I felt as though I had lost a loved one. I felt a deep discomfort within my body. I saw her face distort into something unrecognizable. Each of these waves of emotion came and went like a rollercoaster, but the worst was the fear. I felt extreme terror, like something awful was coming for me. I just remember sobbing loudly, while Em had no idea what to do and just tried to talk me out of it. The fact that I could have been made to feel such extreme emotions for no reason really freaked me out afterwards, and made me question my own emotional reality. I feel bad because it was so scary and upsetting. I feel bad for making Em worry so much about me, and feel that fear of not knowing what to do. I feel bad because I was so ready to have smoking be a nice, fun thing for us to do together but now the thought of smoking again makes me so scared. I feel bad because I haven't really been myself since and I'm a tiny bit scared that after that night, something broke inside me and I'm going to be depressed/anxious/terrified forever.