Yaaaaay feelings!

H-I find you end up posting on days where I was planning on writing, the only difference being I often get lazy or distracted or accidentally go to sleep. I know it’s late, and that you HATE this kind of stuff, but I wanted to let you know that I really admire how brave you are with that post last week, and I really appreciate your openness and honesty. I also wanted to let you know that I love you, you are intelligent, hard working, and beautiful. Also awesome. I figured I’d just get this out of the way on here to spare the awkwardness of doing it in person. Alright, now that you’re done rolling your eyes, on to business!

Sometimes
Sometimes I am a pretty good writer, or somewhat good at science. Sometimes i’m a good friend, responsible, beautiful, or intelligent, and sometimes I’m not much of anything.

(My biggest fear from the future, I’ve realized, is the fear that I’m not good enough at anything to succeed. I fear that my “approximate knowledge of several things” isn’t even close to good enough. I know it’s not true, but it doesn’t make it less scary.)

Sometimes I wish I could fly away and just float around in the clouds for a while, and never have to worry about anything ever again

Sometimes I long for your kisses, like peppermint chapstick, that leave my lips tingling

Sometimes I wish I was still that awkward girl who had never been kissed. Sometimes I wish I could take my first kiss back and save it for someone who won’t hurt me.

Sometimes I think it’d be great if I knew several languages fluently

Sometimes I wish I could help everyone

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so scared of what people thought of me

Sometimes I hate marking my days in poisonous pill packs decorated with birth deformed babies, and red x’s over pregnant women for the sake of achieving a higher level of beauty

Sometimes I’m really sad

Sometimes I’m angry

But mostly I’m just happy to be here.

(Please forgive half-assed repetitive poetry, I have spanish to study for)