So this post is going to be a bit whiny, I'm sorry about that in advance, feel free to skip this one.
I was honestly so excited for break. I had these expectations. Going to Washington would be a great time to do fun stuff with the family I love. The second half of break would be a great time to catch up with friends from back home. The reality has been a little less exciting. I know how it sounds complaining about a month of free time, but I'm honestly not having a great time. Washington was two weeks, which is about one week two long. I saw too much of the cousin I hate and not nearly enough of the one I don't. We watched tv and ate, maybe leaving the house to actually do something three times out of the two weeks. I was ready to come back to RI.
The first weekend back was great, I saw some friends and had a fun time. This was followed, however, by a week stuck at home until around 5pm or later when my family, usually just my dad and siblings, would come back, all tired/stressed and take me out to eat at some fast food place. So much time alone has a tendency to put an unhealthy amount of focus on unpleasant memories and feelings that are usually distracted from. I also am starting to doubt the possibility of anything happening between the HC girl and I, we've been talking a lot over break and it's kinda starting to feel like idk either we don't have enough in common or we're both too boring or we're just plain incompatible or something. I'm not sure where we stand or what I want from our relationship and I think she's in a similar place. I should talk to her abt us but honestly idk what could come of it.
My mom's been working too hard. She's miserable and irritable and I hardly see her, which is extra bad because she wasn't in Washington with us. Being stuck at home like this has made me a little crazy, so I was excited today to go into prov with my dad. I ended up hanging out at his office for a few hours while AB hung out with B at blue state then went on a date or a meeting or something until 1 when I went back to school with her to visit. The visit wasn't bad exactly, and I got to see some ppl I've missed, but going back to wheeler has a way of making me feel sad, not in an "i miss this so much" way but more in a "I don't belong here anymore" way and a "this part of my life is over" way. And now I have a little more freedom since it's the weekend but it seems like everyone I could see is busy doing something so I'm stuck at home still not just because I don't have a car but because I have nowhere to go.
I'm sick of reading and watching tv I don't exactly want to go back to school but I don't want to be here anymore. I'm sure I'll be able to do something nice during this weekend and the next one but I feel like I can't stand the week in between. This break feels like a waste of time I can't get back.
